With the Oscars a few weeks away, the majority of this year’s Award season complete, and the Golden Globes awkwardly coughed out of existence – Our own celebration of the year’s greatest achievements in film is here, in a glorious array of hasty edits, muted Jonathan Ross witticisms and heinous crack-consumption!
And considering the Grammys are to take place a few hours later, across the pond – there is a hella lot of dubious behaviour at the BAFTAs this evening. Due to this, ‘other obligations’, or the majority of the nominees smoking some of Kevin Spacey’s ‘oregano’ outside – nobody has apparently turned up. And the ones that have, don’t have a clue what is going on. Especially Rosamund Pike – who, it transpires, is very very stupid. The evening is met with a plethora of horrific awkward silences. A silence that shrivelled to such a low level of noise, only a select few who are used to dealing with that level of deadly stillness (Dying insects, Chloe Madeley’s agent etc.) could hear anybody breathing. Even Stephen Fry, handing a special award to Harry Potter (Because they were never going to win an award in a normal circumstance really) wasn’t too sure who was there to pick up the award being presented, and genuinely had to throw out wild stabs in the dark. At the BAFTAs. I have seen more organised gatherings of people in my own kitchen, crouching over a plate of Potato Smileys. Eventually, Hermione, Ron and some ‘men’ mosey on up there to take up the Incredible Honour.
It really, went without saying where the rest of these honours would congregate this year. My personal favourites – How to Train Your Dragon, (BEST DRAGON FILM EVER), Jesse Eisenberg, and of course – Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore’s Magical Revolving Bottom Parade in the Kids are Alright, were all harshly snubbed in favour of The King’s Speech winning everything. There is absolutely nothing to say about that. This is just what the Baftas is about, all over. We may be predictable, but at least we don’t sell out by giving The Tourist the chance to win ACTUAL AWARDS so that Angelina Jolie can turn up to look around a room with pure hatred, right?
Oh god, we’re idiots.
TOP FIVE BAFTA MOMENTS
*Mark Kermode, with absolutely no subtlety – looking notably pissed off that Girl With the Dragon Tattoo DARED to win Best Film in a Foreign Language.
*Christopher Lee just AWW, MATE.
*A velvet-clad Julianne Moore busting my ‘I’m not a lesbian’ quota for the next thirty years.
*Helena Bonham Carter refusing to leave the stage, stamping on Jonathan Ross’ face before being carried away by security (May be paraphrasing.)
*Andrew Garfield’s hair.
THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN BY OUR NEW GUEST BLOGGER SOPHIE HALL.
Sophie Hall is a 21 year old freeloading student from Manchester who gets angry. When eating hula hoops doesn’t facilitate this anger – she writes words down, so that we can all be mildly exasperated at the universe together. You can catch her on Twitter and share the Unreality love!