Celebrity Big Brother: Louie Spence, Dustin ‘Screech’ Diamond, Lauren Harries, Carol McGiffin, Ron Atkinson, Bruce Jones and Vicky Entwistle lead the line-up in the newest series of the show

by Matt D


Just three days ago, some Welsh dude won the regular version of Big Brother which apparently was a return to form for the reality show. But the majority of us, including myself, will only ever commit to the celebrity version of the show as the contestants are often more outrageous and occasionally a little bit more recognisable. Since the programme has come to Channel Five the ‘celebrities’ have often been quite obscure and even yours truly has struggled to recognise them. Tonight’s show did have some people that I’d never heard of but combined them with some absolute legends and some really interesting characters.

Louie Spence looks like he’s going to be a contestant that a lot of people will lose patience with incredibly quickly. On his VT he claimed that he wouldn’t be his normal camp self all day, but there was no evidence of this as he made his way down the runway wearing an incredibly sparkly pink jacket. Straight away Louie enjoyed the fact that the house had been remodelled and there was no more do-it-yourself nonsense. Second in was Lauren Harries who, as a young boy, became a child prodigy for his love of antiques but fifteen years ago he had a complete sex change. Lauren seems obsessed with wearing little black dresses but I dread to think of her in the sexy lingerie she has apparently bought into the house. The first seemingly normal housemate was legendary model and magazine cover girl Sophie Anderton, whose see-through bra posters were infamous in the late 1990s. It appeared to me as if the producers wanted Sophie to be incredibly bitchy and temperamental, but to me she appeared fairly down-to-Earth. In fact, during her interview, she revealed that she may well be the cleaner in the house. I’m not quite sure what Sophie did to deserve being placed alongside Lauren and Louie, but the trio were soon summoned to the diary room to get this year’s secret task. The three were soon tasked with becoming ‘the cult of celebrity’ whose job it would be to choose the first set of nominees. The cult of celebrity got their own little secluded temple and some funky robes to boot; however Lauren struggled to actually put the garment on.


Les and Janice Battersby were reunited next as Bruce Jones and Vicky Entwistle made their way into the house. The pair were probably the two biggest surprises of the evening, especially Entwistle who had recently won rave reviews for her performance in Les Miserables. The pair started bickering straight away and I can really tell that they’ll be two of the funniest housemates throughout the show. Billed as a ‘reality TV star’ the doll-like Courtney Stodden was next into the house, to the biggest boos of the evening. I personally felt sorry for the girl as she seemed fairly sweet and her only crime was falling in love with a fifty year old when she herself was only sixteen. Courtney’s fake boobs, massive heels and long blonde hair give off the image of a complete bimbo but I feel there’s more to her than meets the eye. Hot on her very big heels was the much more chilled out Abz Love of 5ive fame. To me, Abz will seemingly be the most honest of all of the housemates as he’s already admitted that he’s doing the show for the money adding that he needs somewhere to stay as his aunt Wendy is already sick of him. Though Abz was incredibly entertaining on The Big Reunion, he initially seemed lost on this show and tended to fade into the background.


Winning the Bobby Sabel award for most obscure celebrity housemate was Danielle Marr, who apparently starred on a reality show in Ireland called Dublin Wives. As the show was never screened on these fair shores most of us haven’t got a clue who she is though apparently she is one of the most successful Botox doctors in Ireland. Danielle was another housemate who got lost in the shuffle tonight but hopefully we’ll see more of her as the series progresses. Somebody who is instantly famous to me at least, I own a T-Shirt with his face on, is Dustin Diamond best known for playing Screech on Saved by the Bell. Diamond has been known for some controversial projects most notably his tell-all book about his former TV show and an infamous sex tape that nobody ever really wants to see. Diamond seemed to be the housemate who was most up for a laugh though, by the end of the night, I bet he actually wondered what he had signed up for. That moment actually came sooner rather than later when Charlotte from Geordie Shore made a unique entrance by running like a frightened deer up to Emma Willis. In fact, having never watched the programme before, the most I know about Charlotte after watching her tonight is that she’s incredibly incontinent.


It wouldn’t be Celebrity Big Brother without a cast member from Towie and a Loose Woman and thankfully we got both here. First up was debonair man-about-town Mario Falcone, who always came across as one of the duller members of The Only Way is Essex gang. I’m sure he was only hired as they needed a token hunk and they couldn’t raise the money to get the more colourful Joey Essex. The Loose Woman this year is Carol McGiffin, who is the longest serving panellist on the lunchtime show and is also my personal favourite. Carol, who was already half-cut when she entered the house, doesn’t mince her words and has already almost got into a bit of a slanging match with Charlotte. I feel she’ll soften as the weeks go on, just don’t ask her about her marriage to Chris Evans. Rounding up the pack was former football manager and disgraced pundit Big Ron Atkinson. You could see that Ron was the one who clearly felt Big Brother was above him and is the housemate most likely to have a complete meltdown. Ron was delighted when he actually recognised several of his fellow cast members and it seems he and Bruce have met before, probably at the golf club. For their final task of the evening the housemates were asked to pick who they thought was the most famous, eventually selecting Bruce and Vicky. Unfortunately for them this meant that they had to share a night under the stars in a double bed together, but that’ll probably bring back memories of the 1998 Corrie Christmas Party.


As Big Brother opening nights go, tonight wasn’t the most memorable but we did get a couple of colourful characters. With Louie, Lauren, Carol, Charlotte and Courtney in there they’ll be fireworks sooner rather than later, while the majority of the cast seem to have some sort of personality. At the moment the court is still out on both Mario and Danielle, who seem to be the token filler housemates which is ironic seeing as Danielle specialises in fillers. As far as the ‘Cult of Celebrity’ twist goes I wasn’t a fan of it, mainly because it meant we had to watch people watching the show we were watching. However, when compared to the basement in the last series of Celebrity Big Brother, this at least didn’t take up too much time. While I’m disappointed that the rumours about Mr Motivator and Mark Morssion entering the house didn’t come to fruition, I think on the whole this series has been really well cast. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when the final three enter the house and how Big Brother can maintain the momentum from tonight’s opening instalment.

What did you think to Celebrity Big Brother? Who are you favourite housemates?

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