EastEnders Spoilers: There’s no room at the inn for knicker dropping Kat Moon, and an ode to Derek Branning! (VIDEO)

by Lynn Connolly

kat and alfie moon, eastenders

In tonight and tomorrow’s episodes of EastEnders we’re finally going to find out who Kat Moon has been having an affair with, as is her husband Alfie…

And when he finds out which Branning brother has been sleeping with his wife, it’s going to prove to be the straw that broke the camel’s back, and meek and mild Alfie will be temporarily replaced by seriously pi**ed off Alfie as he throws Kat (Jessie Wallace) out of the pub!

And Kat is going to find there’s no room at any inn for her this Christmas after most of the Square’s residents shun her in the wake of her latest betrayal against everyone’s BFF Alfie (Shane Richie).

However, there’s also of course a pretty grim Christmas ahead for Derek Branning (Jamie Foreman) given that he’s going to shuffle off the mortal coil on Christmas Day!

But on the EastEnders website today, there’s a brilliant ode to Derek and some great artwork too, so of course, we’ve nicked them to share with you.

Here’s the poem…

In Walford, E20, a legend they tell
Of a cruel and villainous man, name of Del.
A man who was vile, a man who was mean
A more loathsome creature, there never had been.

Ruthless, vindictive, his victims were many
But friends or supporters? He hardly had any.
His browbeaten fam’ly, obliged to stand by him.
Were growing fed up of his cheatin’ and lyin’
An unwanted present you’d love to give back,
If only you could give a big brother the sack.

derek branning, eastenders 2

So, as Bridge Street market twinkled its lights
And Wintery days turned to Wintery nights,
This ill wind that blew through old Walford town
That huffed and puffed, tried to blow houses down
Til now uncontested…

Until forecasts showed
That all of a sudden a counter wind blowed
Along Turpin Road, through the Arches, the Vic
Round Arthurs Bench it was gaining speed quick
Now what could this mean? Could we be right?

That this wind was a-turning and holding on tight
To the prospect of stopping this scurrilous foe?
And if this was true, does anyone know
Who it could be?

derek branning, eastenders

Well we have made it clear
It really could be anyone around here.

Phil Mitchell, the guvnor, his status contested.
Michael who Derek had always detested.
Lucy he blackmailed – vindictive and callous,
And what of the way that he’s treated his Alice?
Anthony Moon who he drove out of town.
Alfie a good man, who won’t be kept down.

Joey and Lauren, now sadly parted. Del stamped on their love
Leaving both broken hearted.

He made Tanya lie. Pinned her up ‘gainst a wall.
Threatened her, made her cry, and worst of all –
Keep a secret from Max, who – let’s face it – is king,
Of deceptions and lies. Del’s been blackmailing him.

derek branning, eastenders 3

Or could it be how, to stir controversy,
He let slip about Sharon’s drug dependency?
And revealed to her son that his father was knifed
A shock that he’ll carry the rest of his life.

Jack’s patience frayed, was this the last straw?
He should have been Max’s best man after all.
Then there’s David, still searching, there’s Carol alone,
A letter intercepted, never to be shown?

But it’s not just the living, who could be seeing red
What of Pat Evans, taunted ‘pon on her death bed?
The ghost of Heather Trott? There are yet hundreds more…
But what force of fate will come settle the score?
You’ll have to keep watching to find out what’s in store…

How good is that?!

Here’s a sneak peek at tonight’s episode…


Lynn is an editor and writer here at Unreality TV and is trained psychotherapist and the author of two books. She's addicted to soaps, period drama and reality TV shows such as X Factor, I'm A Celeb and Big Brother.

1 Comment

  1. Josie on December 22, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    Kind of glad this plot is ending. I’m tired of Alfie getting the short end of the stick from Kat. She is just not all that and doubt in real life a middle-aged cheesy woman like like her would be in that big demand. I know it is the soaps but this plot line stunk from beginning to end.

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