I haven’t seen Casualty for ages. It’s fallen casualty in our house to reality TV shows and frankly, after the ludicrous episode last night, I’m rather glad I haven’t been watching it.
In it, we saw Jessica in a coma while her spiritual self was on a Scrooge-esque voyage through her own life…
We saw her in her younger years – though at no point was any attempt made to make Gillian Kearney who plays Jessica look younger or older – living it large with her Liverpudlian friend Linda, and on that point, I have never heard such appallingly bad Scouse accents in my life.
Then we saw her through her marriage, having kids, adopting a truly ridiculous ‘posh’ accent after having enforced elocution lessons, right through to present day. A present day in which Jessica was drowning and her baby had drowned.
And again, on the drowning scenes, they were entirely ridiculous. Granted we had to suspend our disbelief to see the underwater scenes played out in bits through the whole episode, but if you put together all the sequences in which Jessica and baby Harry were trapped in the car, unless Jessica had a canister of oxygen that we’re not aware of, she would not have survived.
It got even more silly when she was rescued by Adam; he first had his head clunked by the car door and seemed to pass out, but in a later segment, he was diving down again with a big cut on his head to save her.
Meanwhile, life on the paediatric ward centred around the case of Alannah, a little girl who was being abused by either her step-dad or her mother. After a totally silent and – at first unaccompanied – examination from a doctor, it was decided the step-father was ill treating the child and so he was arrested.
And in true panto styly, it was of course obvious to the viewer that it was the mum who was doing it. But then, fastforward ten years or so and there’s Alannah again, this time a teenager who communicates in Morse Code, as you do…
To say it was all the most unbelievable and incredible drivel I’ve ever seen would be an insult to drivel.
Casualty really should run toward the light and be quietly moved to the morgue; there’s clearly no life left in it.