Oh. My. God. Whoever brought this abject drivel onto our screens needs to be lined up and shot, but only with rubber bullets, merely to inflict pain equal to that to which they subjected us viewers.
During a bout of insomnia last night – I’m normally sound asleep before most toddlers – I was having a flick through the TV channels and happened upon the telly equivalent of horse dung, Clever v Stupid on BBC3.
I’m going to try to describe the hideousness that it was, but it’s not going to be easy to find suitable adjectives without resorting to using profanity…
The premise of the show is that two teams, one ‘Clever’, one ‘Stupid’, compete to see who is in fact the cleverest. The ‘Clevers’ included four brainiacs while the ‘Stupids’ were made up entirely of glamour models. Tasks included applying cream and jam to a sponge while wearing goggles that made the world appear upside down; unblocking a sink; making a good first impression and creating a painting.
Matt Edmonson was the host and, given this was a game about intelligence, it might’ve been a plan if someone had informed him before recording the show that the word ‘quotient’ isn’t pronounced phonetically. So Matt? Just so you know for future reference, the ‘ti’ part of the word is pronounced ‘shi’ or ‘she’, whereas you Matt pronounced the word as ‘quote-ient’.
Frankly, taking this job was a big shot in the foot for Matt who, had he not got this ludicrous piece of prosaic drivel on his CV, might actually have one day made a relatively entertaining game show host.
But that faux pas about the pronunciation of ‘quotient’ really summed up the quality of the entire show. It was so god-awful that much of it simply bounced off my eyes and ears; my brain refused to absorb it.
If I had to pick a high point – and Lord knows, that’s a difficult task – I’d have to say it was right at the beginning, before I lost the will to live, when Matt asked Cara, one of the glamour models if she’d met Hugh Hefner. She had and he asked her what Hugh’s like, to which Cara replied, “Erm, I think he’s gonna die.”
And after enduring this show, I know the feeling…