Last Night’s TV – Kimberley: Young Mum Ten Years On
To be honest, ten years ago when Daisy Asquith made the first documentary about a 15 year old living in Brixton called Kimberley – which won Asquith a BAFTA – I don’t suppose it occurred to anyone – other than Asquith – that perhaps there would be a follow up film ten years on. But, if it’d been announced at the time, I’d have put about a million pounds on it that when ten years had gone by, Kimberley would’ve had several more children, by several different fathers and would be an overweight eater of junk food, living on benefits and a committed daytime TV watcher; in other words, someone Jeremy Kyle might have on his show. Either that or an underweight junkie who’d had several kids taken into care.
I would only have been in part right… Ten years ago, Kimberley was a ‘typical’ Brixton teenager; loud, opinionated, and usually with the wrong or ill-informed ones, from a broken home and worse yet, she’d been the victim of a rape at just 12 years old. She was relatively unintelligent academically but she was streetwise and at that time, despite being what I would consider gobby, stroppy and a girl with a pretty bleak future, she expressed a determination not to end up pregnant young like her mother and sister had done, but quelle surpise, that’s exactly what happened…
However, that first baby boy was taken away from Kimberley because the child’s father was abusive and violent and the child was stuck in the middle of it. We didn’t see that in the original film – this all happened after the camera crew left Kimberley’s side – but we heard about it from Kimberley in last night’s follow-up and I have to say, I felt very sorry for her as she struggled to talk about the emotional upheaval of having her child taken away. That said, I feel more sorry for the child who will now be approaching ten years old and has probably not had an Enid Blyton childhood so far.
So, fast forward ten years and 24 year old Kimberley now has another son, Harvey – who’s Godmother is Daisy Asquith – and a newborn daughter. She’s still living on benefits but to be honest, she can’t be blamed for that; childcare needs an income over the 30,000 bracket and let’s face it, Kimberley’s never going to achieve that.
And in the intervening years, social services had placed Harvey on the child protection register and closely monitored mother and son – even though his vile father was a distant memory and hadn’t been heard of for many years – and she’s lived on knife edge of fear that a knock or bruise, from a totally innocent toddler fall, will be misinterpreted as a sign that he’d been beaten. However as the film went on, social services began to relax a bit about Kimberley and Harvey and this was, in part, thanks to the new baby’s dad who was himself a single parent and a seemingly stabilising influence.
That said, he didn’t want more children so news of Kimberley becoming pregnant with his child wasn’t greeted warmly; “Do you want the bad news or the bad news?” she spoke to camera. “It’s all bad news!”
Kimberley decided to keep the baby – who is the aforementioned new baby girl – but her boyfriend, Anthony, wasn’t pleased with the news and as the film concluded, the couple were struggling to find some middle ground where they could still be in a relationship that wasn’t going to further damage their various children or themselves.
Kimberley’s terrified of either of her children being taken into care, and in typical EastEnders-speak, she vehemently proclaimed, “I ain’t going through that again. No way. After what I went through last time and how I ended up in my head…. I lost myself let alone my child. Take my child, you take my air supply.”
She clearly wants to be a good mother, and is in many ways but the fact is, she herself is damaged and rising above her past of violence, poverty, ill-education, low self-esteem and psychological problems, being a role model mother was/is not going to be an easy task.
Daisy Asquith
I was very torn about how to feel over both Kimberley and Daisy Asquith by the end of this programme. The judgemental side of me wondered why Asquith didn’t question Kimberley’s foul language in front of her kids, her smoking while pregnant and feeding Harvey junk food, but there again, given she clearly has a close relationship with Kimberley, one can see that would be tricksome.
Equally, I can see that Kimberley’s background and her own experience of child rearing from her youth aren’t exactly helping her to become the type of mother we’d all like to be – that is, perfect – and hell, really, I can’t claim to have been the world’s best mother, so perhaps I shouldn’t judge. Glass houses and all that, but that said, I’ve never had a child in whom social services have been interested and my three children were planned with almost military precision and although I had my first child at 19, I was married before I was pregnant. My husband I and susquently split-up but I worked and eventually, got a university degree…
Again, I’m not trying to sound perfect, I’m far from it and I’ve made mistakes that if I had a Back To The Future time machine, would without doubt go back and rectify in order to improve my children’s lot, so I guess it’s all relative…
I hope Kimberley can make it though and that the cycle of abusive relationships, children by different fathers, a lack of a stable long-term relationship and poverty don’t mean that in turn, her children have this depressing past as a blueprint for their adult lives.
I wish Kimberley luck, I truly do, but her life is typical of a universally acknowledged cycle that isn’t called vicious for nothing.
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The sad fact with cases like this is that parents who have suffered trauma are not given any help to overcome it and its as thought because they were abused in the past social services target them and they face removal of their children.I know first hand as i have had two children removed because of domestic violence amazing 3 months after my partner and i split up my baby is now being placed for forced adoption although he has never been harmed my crime is being sexually abused as a youngster and being abused as an adult.Does this mean that children in care now who have been abused all face losing their children when they grow up because they were a victim of anothers abuse.These people need help to overcome their problems and support.They are already victims and should not be victimised even further by the removal of their children.I am a campaigner for families and the worrying thing now id social services are not supporting and helping families as legislation states they should they are removing babies and toddlers when the parent has done no wrong and in most of the cases i work with these children are being placed for dorced adoption when a parent has their child taken by social services its the same as a bereavement yet when these parents crack up after having their child removed they are then victimised even further by social services for cracking up over the loss of their child.Some mothers have even committed suicide.
I really feel the need to comment that the so-called ‘vicious’ cycle of deprivation is a social construct to serve the needs of the ruling class. Kimberly struggled with the socially constructed lack of recourses available to a young working class woman and like millions of other young single parents, was denied opportunity from the moment she was born.
The ‘vicious cycle’ needs people like Kimberly and her children to provide the social care market with the necessary commodity so that they can provide a public service such has social services and then Blame the service users’ for a complex web of social, economic, moral, political and religious factors that are not their responsibility.
Kimberly was not provided with the roots and the nourishment to develop a nurturing parenting style. Indeed this is denied to many of the victims of a completely unequal social world. It is easy to make assumptions and blame people for a corrupt political system and fail to recognise that the social worker’s needs is greater than Kimberly’s.
The ‘vicious cycle’ creates the service users’ of the mental health system, the homelessness sector, the prison’s, the probation service, the drug and alcohol agencies and the ‘looked after’ care system and the health service. These jobs would not exist if not for the unequal distribution of power along the lines of class, gender, race and ability.
The denial of nurturing parenting which is necessary in maintaining an healthy body and mind is corrupt and I feel enormous compassion for Kimberly. It is not Kimberly’s fault that she has not had this start in life. I would like to tell Kimberly that she has done remarkably well and I admired her strength and determination in struggling to live a life characterised by poverty and abuse.
Kimberly; you deserve so much more. You are not to blame because you were raped at twelve years of age. You are not to blame for domestic violence; you are not to blame for poverty you are not to blame because Harvey’s father is not in his life. You are not responsible; the corrupt political system that creates the ‘vicious cycle’ is ultimately responsible. You can regain control of your life and drop the burden of guilt and shame. You are a fine young women and you are doing the best that you can do with the knowledge that you have. You can change your internal beliefs about your self; you can achieve your heart’s desires. You can choose different beliefs and values and choose to let go of your guilt and anger. I wish you well.
To all the women who have had their children removed due to domestic violence, launch an appeal or a campaign for extra services and preventative work such has the Freedom Project created by Women’s Aid. Zero tolerance to violence against women needs a program to educate wider society and teach people about the political and social processes that maintain and perpetuate violence against women. People need help to understand that women are often to scared and powerless to protect themselves or their children from harm. I for one would support it wholeheartedly.
Research shows that domestic violence affects children very negatively. I work for a specilist domestic violence organisation and I saw first hand how children really are the forgotten victims of domestic violence. The law states that a child suffering or at risk of suffering significant harm must be made subject of a protection plan. Campaigners have fought hard to get domestic violence on the agenda and therefore if a woman is suffering DV and flees from a violent partner she will be allocated a council house as will be evaluated as high risk.
Also this reporter has no clue regarding social services firstly, there is no longer a child protection register there is a child protection plan.
Secondly social services work from the permise that the best place for a child is with his/her family unless the child is at risk of harm.
Thirdly just because a child is made subject of a child protection plan that does not mean the child will be taken away it means services will be co-ordinated to help the family.
Fourthly, no one took the child away and he was de-registered and support was put in place for the family.
I think that Kimberly’s turn around is thanks to the social workers and support workers that worked with.
i am sorry but social services do not now work to support families i work with many families around these issues and also womens aid are appalled that women who flee violence are then having their child removed as for being given a coucil house what era was that i seen women in refuges r over 6 months because of the shortage in houses i think maybe you should update yourself
what is the name of the reggae song played at the end?…kimberley im on your side mate!
The vicious cycle is perpeturated by the likes of Miss Daisy Asquith. Her ‘biography’ is very sparse on details and only starts ‘at age 19 Daisy worked as a receptionist at Windfall films’. Could this be because Miss Asquith is very, very well connected and can count Prime Ministers, Royalty, Earls, Baronesses, politicos and film directors amongst her family members? Her faux street-talk voice and herso-called ability to get down & dirty with the plebs is a sham. She is everything that is detestable about the liberal-elite, particularly media-types. They feed off the dysfunctional and inadequate, usually lower-classes, yet never address the problems. Of course, Kimberley had a bad start, so do many, many others but Asquith by excusing Kimberley’s behaviour, ignores the plight of an abused two year old. Standing by, while a child’s marks & briuses were casually dismissed as him being ‘clumsy’, watching while he was shouted and sworn at, fed junk food. This child was a witness to his father’s violence and then his mother’s, when she attacked her new partner! The social services, in this instance were right to have put the child on the ‘At Risk’ register and he was probably only removed due to the obvious publiicity (and Miss Asquith’s connections?). Daisy Asquith is a fraud and while she sits back taking the plaudits and the cash, she has no answers to the endless cycle of child abuse and damage. Parasite.
Jane I thank you for your comment. Naturally we have had different experiences due to our work. In fact last week, I advocated on behalf of a woman suffering domestic violence. Housing allocated her a house in the borough of her choice because I advocated for her. This what I and my very dedicated and talented colleagues do. I work in partnership with a professional network including health visitors, social workers, GP’s etc. Although, I am a DV advocate at times I need to refer children to Children’s Services if I am worried about a child’s safety this is in line with the agency’s policy. Even counsellors have a duty to refer if there is a concern for a child’s safety. Every organisation working with children have a duty to protect and care. I think all professionals working with children are doing a very important and difficult job.
Jill Parkinson, why so much spite?! I notice you have posted a similar tirade against Daisy Asquith on another website (in fact you’ve copied and pasted whole sections of the rant here) seemingly in a concerted effort to destroy her reputation. I don’t know her, I’ve got no particular reason to defend her, but your comments just seem extreme!
I don’t know why people think Kimberley is a bad mother. Maybe a middle class woman taking her kid to McDonalds would be seen as giving a treat. We only saw them in McDonalds once, don’t assume that’s an everyday occurrence, just because they are working class. The food she bought from the shops looked very healthy.
It is clear to see Kimberley goes through a great deal of emotional pain. But she has her priorities right – she loves her children and she takes good care of them. It seems she tries very hard not to pass that pain onto her children. Her children will always know that they come first with her, even if they didn’t go to ‘baby signing’ or learn their colours before they started school!
Maybe we should examine our ideas of what a ‘good mother’ is.
hear hear x
see no2abuse.com
I don’t think that anyone is suggesting that Kimberly is a ‘bad mom’ because she took her child to MacDonald’s. Class is irrelevant as Abuse is Abuse just as Violence is Violence. Domestic violence does not discriminate it can happen to any woman irrelevant of whether a woman is middle class or working class both women feel the very real pain of a punch. The problem is that violence between adults can and does cause harm to children. I have seen cases first hand were there has been violence between adults and very young children are hurt and injured as a result of being caught in the middle. Domestic violence is a very serious problem with many children being injured because they are caught in the cross fire of abuse. The danger of putting the mother’s needs first can result in the death of a child as we have seen with a recent very high profile case. Please let us not forget that children just like adults also have the right to be safe and free from harm.
my name is jody franklin i am a young mum at 14 a was pregnant with my son corey wen i was just 12 due to my age he was taken away from me i sayed gud bye to my son on the 15th off may 2009 it was the hardist thing i have ever at 2 do i am findin it verry hard 2 cope at the min an i dont no wot to do i turn to drugs to help me coz i hav no1 else my life is in a mess an dnt think i will ever get though this i dnt sleep much or eat much to help me cope i cut my self an drink vodka alot i realy wnt sum1 whos bin there 2 understand how i feel an help me though this coz i realy cnt cope anymore an i need help so plzz get in tuch with me on facebook if u can. thanks lv jody xxxxxxx
Hi Jody, you’ll see I’ve edited out your email address as it’s unsafe for people to be able to see that. However, you’re clearly in need of help and I’m so sorry to hear how badly this has affected you – as well as many other posters too.
Here’s a list of organisations who offer free help and support. They’re totally confidential – you don’t even need to give your name if you don’t want to – so please do get in touch with one or more of them if you can’t talk to your GP or your parents. You need to talk to someone who can really help you Jody…
Post-Adoption Centre Tel: 08707 772197 – for advice and counselling (Mon-Wed & Fri 10am-1pm, Thurs 5.30pm-7.30pm).
http://www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk
http://www.brook.org.uk
Careline Crisis Line Tel: 08451 228 622 – confidential counselling service for young people.
Mind – works for a better life for everyone with experience of mental distress. Contact the MindinfoLine on 08457 660 163 (9.15am-5.15pm, Mon-Fri) or visit the website.
http://www.mind.org.uk
Samaritans Tel: 08457 909 090 – for confidential emotional support for those experiencing feelings or distress and despair (24 hours a day).
http://www.samaritans.co.uk
Best of luck and please do get in touch with them as soon as you can.
Lynn