Last Night’s TV – Kröd Mändoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire


The 9pm slot on TV last night really was a let down on the comedy front, what with the diabolical May Contain Nuts on ITV and this equally diabolical ‘comedy’ on BBC2.

It began relatively promisingly and I tittered a few times in the first few minutes, but then it just went from being a tongue-in-cheek dig at dungeons and dragons type fans to just plain absurd.

The gorgeous Sean McGuire as Kröd played a good part – and was especially watchable due to his physique and costume – but was let down by his lines. Ditto Matt Lucas as Chancellor Dongalor, Kröd’s arch enemy. Each had a few funny lines and scenes, but on the whole, it was just, well, not very amusing at all and in fact, it rapidly became tedious to watch…

There were also many supporting characters who were so OTT, they didn’t have a snowball in hells chance of being funny. There was Zezelryck, a warlock with a really overdone Eddie Murphy rip off persona, Aneka, a warrior princess who didn’t wear underwear – oh someone strap up my ribs lest they break from laughing – and Loquasto, who’s half-man, half-pig… aren’t they all?

In case you missed it – and if so, well done – the basis of the ‘story’ is explained in this synopsis from the BBC’s website…

“In the darkest days of the Meconian Empire, tyranny reigned throughout the land. Until a glimmer of hope arrived – the son of a blacksmith and a stay-at-home mum, a man of unwavering determination: Krod Mandoon (Maguire), the last great hope in the struggle against the evil ruler, Chancellor Dongalor (Lucas).

To help fight the great fight, Krod has assembled a band of remarkably ineffectual freedom fighters: Aneka (de Beaufort), the beautiful Pagan warrioress whose weapon of choice is sex; Loquasto (Speirs), the oafish servant with bad aim; Zezelryck (Hart), the young warlock whose greatest magical gift is spinning a line; and Bruce (Ray), bereaved lover of Krod’s late mentor.

Together, they must overcome a myriad of evil obstacles in their quest to save the world, including name-calling, hired assassins and bad hair days.

Krod and the gang go on a mission to rescue General Arcadius, Krod’s mentor and the leader of the resistance against the evil Meconian Empire. Dongalor reveals that he is in possession of the ultimate weapon of mass destruction, the Eye of Gulga Grymna. Krod learns that he is “The Golden One”, the central figure in a prophecy that foretells the destruction of the Empire. Dongalor is smitten with a peasant girl and discovers he needs to add a significant piece to the Eye before it can become fully operational.”

The word Meconian I assume is a little play with the word meconium, which is the greeny-black, tarry poop issued from newborns and in the case of this show, that’s bang on the money; it was a real pile of meconium.

Dongalor one assumes was an equally playgroundesque play on the word dong or donger maybe, and really, this again summed up the whole thing… childish.

There are times of course that childish humour is exceptionally funny, as is toilet humour and sex clichés, if they’re well written, but this was not. Yes, there were a few funny lines but overall, it had way too many double entendres, clichés and a way over the top premise.

It felt as if the writers were trying to combine elements of successful ‘serious’ sword and sorcery type movies with something along the lines of Shrek, and it just didn’t work. The only thing that made it worth watching was to see Sean rippling his muscles and wearing a fantasy type costume. Other than that, there was absolutely nothing that warranted wasting an hour of my life. It needs to be slayed, and fast.

Lynn is an editor and writer here at Unreality TV and is trained psychotherapist and the author of two books. She's addicted to soaps, period drama and reality TV shows such as X Factor, I'm A Celeb and Big Brother.