The Osbourne family as a whole make for fascinating TV; I love them, all of them, so watching them driving up big rocks in jeeps, experiencing zero gravity and dogsledding should’ve been fun, but I was left feeling a tad jealous and somehow, robbed.
To address the former statement, it’s not that I’m any sort of adrenalin junkie – far from it; I’m so sedate I barely move – but I’d love to experience weightlessness. And though it was mildly amusing to watch Ozzy floating around and remarking, “I’ve been high before, but never like this” that was pretty much the high point of the entire programme.
And the latter point I made about feeling ‘robbed’ was that it was time spent watching the show that I’ll never get back. I’m not sure there was a great deal of point to the whole shebang actually and I felt it went on rather too long.
There was of course the customary swearing and tantrums, but not in sufficient amount or velocity to be truly interesting. I got the impression that most of the swearing thing anyway was done because we expect them to swear, so they do. It’s all very chicken and egg.
But as to the tantrums, Kelly was of course at the heart of those, but for once, she was entirely justified. She objected strongly to her mum being strapped into a jeep – her only protection being a helmet, seat belts and a roll bar/cage affair – then coerced into driving up almost vertical gradients. Not surprisingly, Sharon rolled the jeep over and came perilously close to losing a hand in the process.
It was the final straw for Kelly – who’d flown in especially to take Ozzy’s place on the show while he was nursing a chest infection – so she promptly flew out again, flatly refusing to have any part in risking her own, or her parents, necks. And I don’t blame her, but I bet she wishes now that she’d done the weightlessness thing.
So finally, it was off to have a go at dogsledding, and as Ozzy has his shoulder held together with metal plates – following his near fatal quad bike accident – it never did seem like an entirely good plan to have him clinging perilously onto a sled while a group of dogs took off hell for leather.
That said, it made an amusing sight; the Prince of Darkness muffled up in coats and gloves like a six year old girl building a snowman, almost flailing behind determinedly fast dogs.
Eventually, he gave up because as one of the instructors said, he’d “lost his confidence” and that can, apparently, be dangerous. One can assume then that if you’re being confident, you won’t get thrown into a thicket of huge pine trees. Clearly, it’s pivotally important when being dragged around by dogs. I’ll bear it in mind.
So to sum up, there was something missing from this show; some charismatic X that is present in most other shows featuring Ozzy and Sharon, but nonetheless, I can think of worse ways to pass time on a Sunday evening. I can think of better ones too of course, but Brad Pitt just won’t answer my phone calls…