Last Night’s TV – Silverville
The first episode of Silverville was, in a human sense, somewhat sanitised in that we met some of the residents of Lovat Fields and it was all rather jolly. Elderly ladies and gentlemen of the scrubbed, pink-faced variety talked happily about their lives in the retirement village in Milton Keynes, and it was an “ah bless” type film.
Last night’s episode however went somewhat deeper, and stories of real tragedy and sorrow were introduced, as well as somewhat happier ones.
Of the tragic and sad stories, that of Jan and Ken were among the saddest. Ken, who was 59, had had a massive stroke some years before moving into Lovat Fields, and his wife Jan, 56, felt unable to care for him any longer. However, behind that was a tale of how Ken’s stroke had changed him and his relationship with his wife beyond repair.
The decision to move Ken into Lovat Fields was made – and one got the impression that it wasn’t necessarily with his approval – so that he would be more independent. He relied a great deal on Jan and from the subtext of what Jan had to say about the situation, he took her for granted. She talked of how he was utterly selfish now and how he’d changed entirely from the man she married.
Jan talked of still loving Ken, but to be honest, I think she felt honour bound to say so. I suspect that she felt only that he was a burden and she longed to be free of him. That’s in no way a judgement on her; unless you’ve lived with someone who’s so debilitated and changed, you can’t appreciate how hard it is, so I felt for Jan and didn’t judge her negatively for it. However, it was very hard not to feel more sympathy for Ken…
Here was a man who clearly didn’t want to be in Lovat Fields, he wanted to be at home. He wanted to be with Jan and during the transition from home to the retirement village, he cried a great deal and spoke of his loneliness. A terribly sad moment came when, as Jan was visiting, the subject of her possibly meeting someone else was raised, and despite her assurances to Ken that she hadn’t met someone else – yet – he wept at the prospect.
Ken must feel that the stroke has robbed him of everything; his former active and sporty lifestyle, his wife, his home and his independence. All gone in a shockingly short time and he knew that moving to Lovat Fields was the official recognition of all that he’d lost.
In happier scenes, we met Connie who was 70 but doesn’t look a day over 50. I wish I could have whatever it is she’s 
been eating or drinking that makes her look so much younger than she is! I was genuinely shocked when I heard that this lovely lady was 70. And in Lovat Fields, she was dating and falling for Peter, who was 72 and also looked to be in his fifties.
We also met Bert who was 90 and Rose who was 73, just as they announced their engagement. And what a lovely couple they are. Rose is a quiet, unassuming lady and Bert is charming and gracious. However, as the reality of her engagement began to set in, Rose started to feel that she was being in some way disloyal to the memory of her husband, and she began to have doubts about marrying Bert.
The thing that struck me most forcefully in this week’s episode is how easy it is to forget that elderly people still have the maelstrom of emotions that we younger people do. I don’t know quite why it is that we tend to think of elderly people as we do very young kids. We think of them in many ways as a tabula rasa, but of course, they’ve had decades of life experiences which affect them just as much now as they did when they were 30 or 40.
This episode was far better than the first in that it forewent the cheery façades and showed us the real human stories that explained how some of the residents ended up there, and for some, it wasn’t really a choice while for others, it most definitely was and one that they’re happy about.
If you missed this week’s episode, you can catch it here on BBC iPlayer, and if you enjoyed last week’s, you’ll enjoy this week’s more.
Chat about this on the Unreality TV Forum »
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I absolutely agree with the above in regards to Ken and Jen. This man, who lost everything just needed some love,care and attention and the only person who could give him that ie his wife, has completely abandon him. She said she will only visit twice a week, so Ken can have more independent life. However I got an impression, that she did not want to know any longer and that he was a burden who she got rid of for now. It was very sad to watch, especially moment when Ken said that she is his wife in health ans sickness, but I dont think that this was in her mind at all.Time when she spoke about meeting someone in the future and her husband sitting next to her was just the cruelest thing to do.
I know its hard to be in such a situation but at the same time, they’ve had good times together and now when he needed her the most I got the impression, that she took an easy way out and left him on his own.
Caring for someone is a huge responsibility and very hard work, I have sympathy for anyone who ends up in that situation. Perhaps Jan didn’t get the support she really needed, sometimes you need to ask for help – not just bury the problem by putting him in a home out of sight. After 16 years of marriage, how can you even imagine abandoning the man you have committed your life to. All you have to do is ask her how she would feel if it were the other way round. I am not sure she is really doing the loving thing?
This programme is probably the saddest I have seen all year – and that’s after welling up over Bobby Robson earlier in the week. My wife burst in to tears at the end – this is probably tinted by the fact that we care for a severely disabled daughter and so struggled to understand how this could happen. We both felt that Ken was not in the sort of position that caring for him was beyond “in sickness and in health” and that Jan was using the opportunity to get out on the town.
My closing comment was – “Thank God she hadn’t waited a few weeks – otherwise she’d have bought him a one way ticket to Geneva.”
Of course, it’s easy to snipe from the sidelines but it really did not show the woman in a good light.
I was so upset after last nights silverville, I thought Jens treatment of Ken was disgusting and verging on in humane. You have to ask yourself the question what kind of person is she, the kind that I would not spit on if she was on fire and I dont say that lightly!
I felt i had to reply, you need to remember when watching these programmes on television how little of the truth you see, knowing Jan personally, she has been portrayed in a light that is not perhaps a fair portrayal, she has been nothing but honest throughout the filming and the way this show has been edited has created character, not people.
Their lives revolved around carers, she did try to get hope, she didnt put him ‘out of sight’ they often arrived late and it became a strain.
After his stroke, Ken can barely remember what happened to him yesterday, a lot of what you saw him say, was actually told to him to say. There was already a strain on their relationship, the stroke was just the final point towards the end of it, the stroke was not the main reason.
Please remember when watching these shows that they are not black and white, you never know what you are watching is a true portrayal, thankyou to the writer of this blog for looking at both sides.
Edit.
*characters*
MK_J is a nice friend to Jan. Shame Ken doesn’t have friends like you!
I try to look at both sides, but seeing weeping Ken and then Jen who is going out and having fun, its just not right.
I can appreciate the strain and pressure of looking after person like Ken, but at the same time it was just hearbreaking seeing him crying, spending all his days alone, while his wife was having fun.
A last post from me, i’m not trying to shame people, but barely any of the background to the story has been covered, and in reply jan is a relative to me, they didnt even mention that ken has only ever had her support, his family have never visited him, or helped.
Since the filming its the first time shes ever had fun, before the filming, she never got to go out.
Not everyone can be there constantly to support, perhaps if his family were also there, jan would find it easier. And people have been stereotyping ken, by saying how cruel it is to put him in a home, he is actually happier and living a fuller life, but they have not shown this, at home he was never able to leave the house and the paths and roads were too poor condition for him to get to the shops, simple outings.
Remember Jan is human, and she much older than Ken, she should live her life, as should Ken, which he can do now with professional care and with a more social surrounding.
It is not for me to disclose personal background on the matter, just remember you saw a condensed half hour edited version, of many years.
I dont want to debate this matter anymore, Jan has a computer and im sure you can imagine the effect it must have on her to read the reactions, she’s been nothing but truthful, and she is an amazing person. Please have a heart, and if you see any other hatefiul messages, maybe have a word with them, other forums are being unreasonably cruel.
Quote:
“I am Janet’s daughter & Ken’s stepdaughter, I have read all of the comments from people, people who do not know either my mum nor Ken, I can understand why some people have the opinons they do of my mum as I myself told her the documentary portrayed her in a very bad light. Just to clear some things up my mum and Ken were very happily married and Ken suffered a severe stroke & was hospitalised for nearlly 10 months everyday my mum sat by kens bedside, she then cared for him at home for 3 years. My mum is not in good health herself despite looking well, the pressure got too much for her but more importantly Ken got very used to having his wife do everything for him so he was not pushing himself to do more. my mum & Ken decided he should go in a home for her health and for Kens independance. The stroke Ken suffered affects him in different way it makes his emotions very up and down, when he thinks back to how he was before his stroke he gets very emotional, but most of the time he is very happy and spends most of his time in lovatt fields laughing & joking, this can be confirmed by most of the residents that Ken has made friends with. Also regarding how many times my mum visits Ken, she was always told by kens social worker that for Ken to settle in and to do more things for himself she would need to back off a bit, she visits Ken every week and every weekend and speaks to him every day and night. Ken hates people to think of him as poor Ken he is sickened by peoples comments about his wife and we all know he is much happier than he was and he is in a better place, he was not forced out of his home whatsoever Ken also agrees that it was made to look like that but was not the case. I hope on the next episode they show just how happy Ken really is. In response to the person that said RIP Ken he is not dead. Any more nasy comments should be kept to yourself unless you know the people you are talking about.”
Unfortunately, the editing of Jan & Ken’s story was weighted heavily in sympathy of Ken. It was very difficult to watch him get emotional, however what isn’t shown is the emotional torment Jan suffered prior to making the extremely difficult decision of Ken moving into an environment which could better care for him. I think it is extremely important to mention that Ken has immediate relatives and children who have never offered any support physical or emotional. Janet has always been there for Ken and continues to do so. It is easy to judge other peoples personal circumstances and to take television programmes as a true representation, remember the BBC posed the questions to Jan with Ken beside her and she only answered honestly and truthfully. Many wouldn’t.
I think its interesting how a heavily edited programme can make people presume so much about individuals, of course this is orchestrated so you the viewer are emotionally evoked. Ken is visited often by his step family. And on many occasions has been actively motivated to enjoy outings but he very definately declines, for his own reasons. some have said they don’t think the stroke has affected his mental state, well it has on a massive scale. Jan is not the on e who has suffered a stroke she should not be penalised and expected not to have any sort of social life herself. As for’ going out drinking’ she rarely drinks.
WHAT A SELFISH WOMAN JAN IS, DESPITE HER SAYING SHE ‘HAS NURSING QUALITIES’ SHE DEFINATELY DOESN’T HAVE ANY COMPASSION.DUMPING HER HUSBAND IN LOVATT FIELDS, MAY SEEM LOVELY TO HER BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT TO HER HUSBAND KEN,HE KEPT RECITING ‘IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH,TIL DEATH US DO PART’ WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU? IN JAN’S CASE IT SEEMS ‘OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND.’TO TELL YOUR PRESENT HUSBAND THAT ‘I MIGHT MEET SOMEONE ELSE’ BUT ‘I HAVEN’T YET’
ALL I CAN SAY IS I HOPE HER HEALTH HOLDS OUT,IMAGINE IF SHE HAD A STROKE, WHAT HAPPENS THEN?
What a great programme. Connie and Peter (who both looked far younger than their years) were the stars of the show – both jolly and friendly and obviously enjoying their later years. Good luck to them – that’s what I say!
Did Jan HAVE to inform Ken that she may meet someone else?
Why not just do it and keep quiet?
I wept when I saw Ken’s reaction to this needless cruelty.
to mk_j
i find your defence of jan heartening -but u r far too close to her to understand what u are saying and why-yes she has a story and has had no life since 16 when she got pregnant-all that is in the few minutes of footage she recieved-and the footage was very sympathetic towards her in other ways too-so u r wrong to imply it was edited to give a bad impression or one sided impression.
secondly u r implying she can be as selfish and cold as she wants simply cos kens family are even colder-which is pathetic and evil and childish and doesnt impress anyone-we saw ken-we heard the story we sqaw the results-none of us hate his wife and blame her-but u cannot deny she is being selfish and has abandoned him and even plans and hopes to meet someone else-now some folk will sympathise and others will find her attitude callous and un-loving-decent folk will find her unloving and callous-as i do and other commentators here have -some like u dont see the world this way and good luck to your sort.
i have a g/f who is only 35-almost 36 -i have dated her for 4 yrs-she had a stroke at age 23 and has a 30 second maximum memory -i expect and plan to marry her-out of compassion and love-im 47 as of last week-i expect u think i am mad and ruining my life and yet i am more loyal and more prepared to give than kens wife who has shared children and 40 yrs -so obviously i find your defence abhorrant and very sad-that kens family are cold so his wife can also be and as he needs some care and support-its unreasonable to expect a 55 yr old woman to provide such and also she longs for the night life she lacked cos she chose to raise children at such a young age.
i am in no doubt the more we might know about kens wife the more we would dislike her-not the reverse as u imply-like i said if u r like her-then that is sad-if u r too close to her to be fair about judging her and considering ken then pls refrain from standing up for her-unless u r here to tell us ken beat her regularly and was a very bad husband-because u have said nothing to defend ken and shown no sympathy for his plight and from knowledge of stroke victims and severe memory impairemnet u have no understanding of that subject either-basically u r defending the undefendable and making yourself appear as callous and selfish and cold as kens wife-and though many millions are just like u -i and millions of others are the opposite thank god.
so tell us how violent and cruel ken was if he was before his stroke and we will understand -im sure he wasnt and if he wasnt he deserves much better than this-but if his wife wants to dump him and move on there is no law against it and such people behave like her often-so she is no worse than others-but she will never get respect or sympathy or brownie points for her callous plans and intentions and attitude-i guess she never truly loved him and has no loyalty and no compassion-there are many such shallow lovelless marriages-esp amonst people who get pregnant young and marry for that reason-if that is the case the i do sympathise with her and it changes everything-but kens wife did not say this and nor did u-still i have never married -even at 47 i have never been engaged before-cos i wouldnt marry someone and fail or marry for the wrong reasons-and thus i have very little respect for such people anyway -but i would at least understand a sham marriage has to end at some point-and i guess their marriage was a sham for 40 yrs and the stroke has exposed how much of a sham it was and thus i would totally sympathise with his wife and support her in her life choice if it was the case-i would also support her if it was true that ken was a violent bullying or cheating or selfish cold husband-u have not impliesd any of these things are true -so please do if u wish to defend his wife-otherwise u wont convince anyone on here that she is being very callous and manipulative-as we all appear to have greater values of loyalty and compassion than u r capable of sadly
to janets daughter
u can not tell us or me to withold our comments-u sound as selfish as your mother to dismiss kens needs in such a way and think u can just as easily dismiss our views also as easily.
your comments adds nothing t the story sadly and i for one do not believe ken feels as u say -but i belive he would say as u say cos hes probably a gentleman who will loyaly defend janet however bad she treats him.
as for her being stressed-so what -who cares-people have to handle far more stress than a stroke vicitm husband like ken after 40 yrs or whatever of marriage-far ,far,far worse and do so admirably and without proclaiming how heroic they are or announcing how ill they are-as for your mother she talks of meeting men,lookng for them,missing the kisses and such like-no one put those words in her mouth-and as for her tragic ill health -what is it? i dare not ask -if truth be known cos i am already convinced it isnt a cancer death sentence or anything so severe it would justify her dumping him so callously and if she was that ill why is she justifying her actions by saying its so she can have kisses and cuddles and enjoy the nightlife which she has missed? and as for u young lady dont tell us to withold our sympathy for ken or anybody as sympathy is a good thing and the only reason we sympathise with ken -isnt because of his stroke or being in lovatts home -its cos he has a callous wife -ie your mum -if i were kens family i would be furious with u and defending him -sadly your mothers friend has stated kens family are all uncaring and unsupportive-which i can understand as after all these years of marriage to your mum thay expect and hope as ken and all us do -that your mum would have been providing the support which is obviously lacking-unlike u -i am touched by the out pouring of sympathy and love for ken on this site and presumably nationwide-which goes to show there are many good caring people in england even though ken has none in his life -sadly for him.
“your sort” ? I’m sure its not fair to get personal now steve.
Learn to spell “u” right steve, its “you”
I doubt you are 40.
And you have got your facts wrong about the years of their marriage.
I for one do not know them personally, but even i can see, that you cant see, that youre being discriminating towards stroke victims, they have lives of their own, their lives do not stop and they are still people, im sure ken will want jan to have her own life.
A last note, seeing as you’re personally involved and so passionate about Ken, why not pay him a visit?
Otherwise, why not just stop trawling the net and being that sort of person?
I think Steve needs to get a grip and well done to the person that rightly told him if he is so passionate about the whole thing to pay a visit to Ken. You see me being Ken’s daughter and the nearest thing he has to a daughter becasue his own family disowned him, I can express my views and I dont care what you steve or anyone else thinks of them and I certainly couldn’t care less if you think I am selfish or as selfish as my mum because like I said you do not know us at all. This will be the last time I comment on such a website as I do not need to keep justifying my mums actions to you when I know Ken is happy & being in Lovatt fields is the best thing for him, he doesn’t sit around crying and he is surrounded by friends and people that care about him including me.
AGAIN!!_ we all fall for the old adage “The camera never lies”. We are at the mercy of the film editor who can, with a few clicks of the mouse, distort the real situation in order to sensationalise the programme, get people talking and boost their viewing figures.
Often we forget that, in filming such programmes, the ‘professionals’ are behind the camera and prompt the “amateurs” by asking leading/controversial questions to illicit such responses that otherwise would not been said(the tail end of such questions can often be heard).
As we are not aware of each family’s background etc., I think it would be prudent to remember these facts before passing judgement solely based on what is eventually portrayed on the screen.
Having been on a conducted tour of Lovatt Fields, by friends who are resident there, all I can say is I am bitterly disappointed (as are most residents I believe) in the way BBC has decided to broadcast it to the nation_ certainly NOT what I experienced.
IF the intention was to follow a few individual cases, AND ADVERTISED as such, then perhaps the target was hit.
BUT,if this series was to reflect life in a “Silver Village” then I am sorry the arrow not only missed the Gold __ IT MISSED THE TARGET BOARD ALTOGETHER!! _ more like a holiday brochure detailing the travel difficulties rather than the destination itself!!
Lets hope that the remaining programmes will reflect the real communal life that exists in such villages, bringing the residents together, offering help and support whilst enhancing their social life in a safe and secure environment.
THAT is what I recall from my visit there__ but sadly missing from the series so far.
What a disgusting lady JAN is.. What goes around comes around.. I suspect if jan is unable to care for herself then her daughter will send her to a home aswell..
Treat others how you would like to be treated! If you dont look after your parents why would YOUR kids look after you. They will just imitate how you treated your parents. If there is a heaven and hell we know where JAN is heading. A car theif, fraudster, bank robber can all be forgiven but not the evilness i can see in jan. DISGRACEFUL.
Regarding Ken and evil bitch janet, and all the convenient voices of support from said bitch’s ‘unbiased’ F.A.M.I.L.Y: (glug! …hypocrite, banging on about unbalanced and unfair programming!!)
I have just become a father for the first time and by god it is tough! But by your own reasoning and moral standing, should i, after spending the first sleepless year at my childs bedside, and the next three washing, clothing, feeding and wiping bottoms, should I then rationalise that this is not the ‘Fun’ i deserve, merit or indeed WANT in life, and therefore, being sick of tiresome daily chores such as buying papers, i should abandon my loved one, when they need me most to a very sad and lonely desperate fate??? Is that what we do? Give up on the people we love? I’m sorry, silly me, i thought loving someone INSTANTLY made their lives way more important than i could ever feel about my own.
…Must just be me i guess.
You can eulogise all you want about our saintly jan there, but i think she said all we needed to understand about this ’story’, when our canny filmmaker give her just enough rope to hang herself with at the very end. Heartless cow. The way she said that infront of him as if he was some sort of vegetable who wouldn’t have the capacity to understand the hell he’s in says it all about her.
Oh, and missus horrible jans daughter; if you don’t think ken hates his life… YOU TRY LIVING IT!
…although, come to think of it, there may be some truth in what she said…cos i think any man, after a moments reflection, would consider living with jan –
A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH.
Good luck Ken! Godbless and sincerest best wishes, Tom & Family.
I am a fifty year old man from Scotland and have never written a comment on anything in my life until now. I was so disturbed after watching last night that I found it difficult to sleep. I was moved for Ken I know or may not know how difficult it was for Jan with her life with Ken but I found her heartless and cruel especially when she mentioned to Ken about the possibility of her having another relationship in the future. I wonder how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot but I do not want this comment to be felt just as a dig at Jan but as a plea to Jan to think again about Ken and have this man who loves her completly home. God bless Ken.
I agree with Ian, I too found it difficult to sleep last night after watching the Silverville programme. The thought of poor Ken being alone and wondering what the hell went wrong with his marriage just because he fell ill. Jan has obviously written him off and has sent him to a home instead of divorcing him. “I havent met anyone – yet” – I’m sorry but with all the ‘clever editing’ in the world no-one can deny that these words came from Jans lips and the rolling of her eyes when Ken became emotional was just shameful to watch.
Maybe Jan will think more about the affect her actions have on others after seeing herself on the programme – although I doubt it.
I feel sorry for toms children growing up with a father who cannot look outside the box. Is there no hope outside this television obsessed society?
I say, everyone get on with your own lives stop staring at a box, go do some good in the world yourselves, i am and many others are, join the human amnesty if you care so much, we always need more members, give to charity, go live in a different culture, get some real experience and grow up, unlike this Tom, he has a lot to do.
…oh so many hate filled people in the world.. at least there are a few who speak up
Thanks “Ashamed to…”, couldnt have said it better myself.
These people need lives. Desperatly.
Oh! So much hate & bile!
I cannot begin to imagine how hard it would be caring for someone all the time and having now seen the 3rd episode, despite his reluctance to go there, and everything else, I think it is showing that it has been of benefit to Ken – he seems determined to improve his day to day skills. Just as lots of parents cheer when the school holidays are over, it appears to me as if Janet was just filmed doing a similar thing – being honest, but too honest for the cameras, who are OBVIOUSLY going to use that kind of footage to create debate. Possibly, if he had gone to some rehab centre a couple of days a week to give her time away, and him alternative company, things may have been different.
I don’t feel I have any right to judge Janet, I don’t know the details of their life. The only thing I really thought was exceptionally unthinking was the comment about meeting someone else – that was callous & I hope she apologised to Ken for saying it – everyone gets frustrated, and sometimes words pop out before you can stop them, but you can at least acknowledge when you have said something hurtful.
I do love the idea of the retirement village, and they do seem to have a heck of a lot of things going on – I’ve got a few years to go yet, but would certainly hope to go somewhere as pleasant to live out my days!
Having watched this programme and Chelsea Pansioners I feel that these people will have an extended life. They are in an enviroment that suit their time of life.. I am nearly 74 and would relish the chance to live there.
Tom congratulations on your first child I do hope you grow up in time before your child realises what a rude opinunated man you really are. Yes I can say Ken doesn not hate his life as I see him every single week along with my children Ken’s grandchildren, I am getting tired of ignorant people like you who have no knowledge of what went on with Ken and Janet before the move to Lovatt fields as this was not shown! and no knowledge of what has been happening since the documentary. Because Tom if you did you would not be so vile about someone you do not know, now as i have said before janet and ken are still husband and wife, Ken see’s his wife every week and he is very happy where he is, he also cannot believe what people have said about his wife that HE cares so much about, as you have said he is not a vegetable as we are well aware of thank you.