Today I decided to voluntarily watch OMG with Peaches Geldof. Oh, now look – don’t get upset, nobody wants that. You should in a way, feel grateful that I have given you this particular piece of information that makes me around 80% more liable to getting stoned in the street. So in a way, this is a trust exercise, rather than a review. We are all in this together.
OMG with Peaches Geldof is a ‘television programme’, starring (who else!) the It Girl, (Huh?) Writer, (Heh), Professional Tweetaholic (Hehe.) and Fashion Icon (HAHAHAHAHA) Peaches Geldof, who in this madcap ITV magazine-show, will teach us about things that are ‘weird’. Can you imagine? Now, for all the crazy fun we’re about to embark on – there is one main gripe I have with the programme. In all seriousness, there is no warning prior about epilepsy risks or dangers of blackouts mid-show. So if you haven’t seen it yet, then please be aware of this – because throughout the programme, you may be susceptible to the giant flashing lights in your brain screaming the same three questions over and over. So please lookout for these symptoms.
1. “Why is Peaches Geldof talking to a vampire?”
2. “Why is this woman pretending to be a vampire?”
3. “Why is this woman pretending to be a vampire, in order to get on a Peaches Geldof-fronted television programme?”
Thankfully – all the nausea and continuous collapsing you are likely to experience will not hinder your enjoyment of the show, because every three or four minutes – is a handy catch-up montage of all the stuff that happened about 40 seconds previous, just in case you missed it. Don’t say Peaches Geldof doesn’t care about your well being. Don’t ever say that.
And hey! If you’re a bit ‘not keen’ on Peaches herself, don’t worry – as there are an array of celebrity experts/hostages dotted around the studio to tell you about ‘things’ too! Including Aled from the Chris Moyles’ show! And a woman! And a man! It’s all incredibly diverse.
So I suppose you’re wondering – what’s so ‘OMG’ about it? Well infused with interviews with people who have been pepper sprayed at Camden Market and forced into the ITV2 studios, are hilarious FACTS about such mental modern day cautionary tales such as a man who married a pillow! I know! I know! That is so incredibly unlikely! Such unlikely information to be pulled from an Internet meme that has been circulating the web for about four years! But still – even if you have heard about the story before, you haven’t heard it coupled with Peaches’ wry voiceover about the whole debacle in which she observes with such intricate comic-timing that “Well, he’ll certainly have a good night’s sleep.” I GET IT. I GET IT.
The rest of the show is of no importance, because it mostly seems to focus on the fact that everyone is wearing hats. Or so I came to understand. God, I’m so not with it anymore. So, remember OMG with Peaches Geldof is still being televised weekly, so don’t feel it’s too late to get on board now I’ve explained there’s nothing to worry about, okay? What’s that you just said? You think that Bob Geldof felt compelled to cure all the famine in the world to make up for the suffering he induced by creating his own daughter? That is absolutely sick. Don’t say that again.
THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN BY OUR NEW GUEST BLOGGER SOPHIE HALL.
Sophie Hall is a 21 year old freeloading student from Manchester who gets angry. When eating hula hoops doesn’t facilitate this anger – she writes words down, so that we can all be mildly exasperated at the universe together. You can catch her on Twitter and share the Unreality love!