“I’ve just filmed a man having a w*nk on his bed” filmmaker Guy Gilbert said as he waited outside while male escort wannabe Rico ‘polished’ his equipment for a photo shoot.

“Definitely the weirdest thing I’ve ever filmed” said Guy wistfully. Clearly he’s never filmed at a Conservative Party Conference then but hey ho.

And this set the tone for the entirety of last night’s Man Hunters: Meet The Gigolos. It was, overall, pretty funny to watch and I giggled like a girl through most of it.

The blurb for the show went like this… “For centuries men have been hiring women for sex. But now are women starting to see men in the same way and using them as sexual objects? Increasingly websites are springing up advertising hunky young male escorts, charging up to £150 an hour. But is this really what women want?”

Well, speaking as a woman and therefore qualified to have an opinion, I’d have to say “No”. Not that I’d have any objection in theory to paying for it, if I was able to afford to and couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather spend my money on, but what I can’t help wondering is if while going about their business, these guys aren’t thinking “oh god this is repulsive… I’m a gigolo, get me out of here!”

And I’d be constantly distracted by the fact they might be thinking that about me…

Rico

Because surely the same principles of grossness must apply to male escorts as they would to female escorts? Imagine you were a female escort and some overweight, 80 year old man who smelled of sweat and wee was your first appointment of the day – and even worse if you’d just had an egg McMuffin… eek. Doesn’t bear thinking about.

Well surely the same must apply to men? Actually, I’d have thought it would be rather more difficult for men given that they absolutely have to demonstrate a ‘willingness’ shall we say.

However, last night we met three men who are ‘gigolos’ and make a living – or at least they say they do – at hiring themselves out to women.

Federico

Federico reckons he earns £100,000 a year and its claims like that which inspired Rico to become a male escort, though he was having something of a problem finding clients.

While Federico was enjoying paid foursomes at some of the most exclusive addresses in London, Rico was struggling to find work, despite the fact that he’d paid £300 to advertise himself on a male escort website and despite the fact that he says of himself, “I am a winning ‘orse”.

He believes that the photos taken of him wearing only a cowboy hat and thong were sure to win him lots of gagging-for-it lady clients. They just reminded me that I needed a new cheese wire.

He promised to show ladies how the Italians “do it” too… but is it really that much different to how say, someone in Barnstaple does it? Has continental Europe really bred a class of men who can ‘do it’ better than other men? Well I don’t know but if he’s a “winning ‘orse” then it must surely have been a one ‘orse race. Bless him.

John

And if his competition is John – accountant-esque male escort – then yes, it probably was a one ‘orse race.

John refuses to be labeled a “prostitute” or an escort and prefers instead to be termed a “personal assistant”. His logic for this being that he assists people with personal things, such as assisting the 70 year old lady who booked this very un-escort looking chappy to give her a personal naked massage.

But the physical side of things isn’t always on the agenda for John apparently and he markets himself to older women as “more of a companion” he told the film maker Guy Gilbert. He reckons that women look for an emotional connection more than simply sex – or maybe it’s that once they get a look at John in his anorak, they suddenly decide they’d much rather just talk actually…

However, despite having one gigolo who was so far up himself he’d need Vaseline to free him head (Federico) and one who looked like he’d be more at home cataloguing stamps (John) and yet another with high hopes for the salability of his tackle (Rico) we had yet to meet the women who avail themselves of the services offered.

Cue Louise, 44, who explained that she’d started hiring male escorts after “being constantly let down by men who were just after one thing”.

Now, I may be missing something but why not give away the “one thing” rather than pay to have someone take the “one thing”? It really didn’t make sense…

However, despite the fact that she seemed to relish the fact she was the one with the power – and for power, read money – in these ‘relationships’, she still wasn’t entirely happy.

“He’s not going to get up in the morning and make me a cup of tea and bring me breakfast in bed” she mused unhappily. Well, frankly Louise, I’ve seldom met a man who will, paid or unpaid, they’re all pretty useless in the pampering department I’m afraid, so maybe bung your next escort an extra tenner and show him how to use a kitchen.

I have to say that in the main, these men were just a tad laughable really. They wanted to bonk for a living figuring they’d encompass both their favourite pastime and a career all in one happy well paid bundle, but I didn’t actually believe their claims.

I can believe they are employed by couples maybe for a couple of hours of ‘well let’s just try it’ fun but I don’t believe there are hoards of women eager to hand over money to these guys for sex. One or two, sure, but not enough to warrant a full-time position… as it were.

It was a fun programme though and well worth a few laughs!