What a lovely weekend it’s been, for most of us, so you might be out tonight BBQ’ing or something, but if not, here’s what’s in store on telly…

Antiques Roadshow, BBC1, 7pm ~ In tonight’s show, expert Hilary Kay can hardly contain herself as she appraises a 1930s manicure set. Bless her, she doesn’t get out much. The Roadshow is from Chester this week – where I used to live! – and we see a toy dog that was once owned by Elvis, a “Rolls Royce” of a banjo, a signed Roald Dahl first edition and many other relics, including Fiona Bruce who presents the show.

Celebrity Are You Smarter Than a Ten-Year-Old?, Sky1, 7pm ~ Noel Edmonds presides over this popular – though I don’t know why – quiz show in which celebrities go head-to-head with annoying kids to try to prove they know more than the children. Tonight’s celebs are Martine McCutcheon and Sally Gunnell. I think I’d like it more if it was fairer; I mean who remembers the trigonometry they did in school or where Luxembourg is on a map? Why not ask the kids things like, what does it mean if you get a red reminder from British Gas or name ten tell-tale signs your partner’s having an affair? See, then, I’d watch.

For One Night Only, ITV1, 7pm ~ Tonight’s hosts are Michael Buble and Denise Van Outen who introduce acts including Rihanna singing Disturbia, violinist David Garrett, performing Summer from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons and Hungarian acrobat Balazs Foldvary… acrobatting. There’s comedy from Mark Watson and Stephen K Amos and Michael Buble performs his hit song, ‘Everything’. I’m not a big fan of variety type shows so I think I’ll be watching Antiques Roadshow.

Strictly Come Dancing, BBC1, 8pm ~ Results Show: Following on from last night’s performances by the eight male celebs, the two couples who received the lowest scores get on the dance floor again to be judged by Len Goodman, Arlene Phillips, Craig Revel Horwood and Bruno Tonioli. They will then decide which celeb to eliminate from the show. Tonight we see special performances and behind-the-scenes footage from last night’s show presented by Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly.

Killer Hyenas: Austin Stevens’ Adventures, Five, 8pm ~ Tonight is the start of the new series of Austin’s adventures which see him exploring the rugged landscape of Ethiopia on the trail of the spotted hyena, which as he discovers, is no laughing matter. His stops along the way include the walled city of Harer and the rugged wilderness of the Rift Valley, where he discovers baboons, puff adders and ferocious sand boas.

Heartbeat, ITV1, 8pm ~ Mixed Messages: Back to the 60’s and tonight, a pensioner who Carol’s been visiting dies unexpectedly so suspicions are aroused. A worried Carol turns to Joe for help while Peggy finds lots of rubbish in her backyard, but this time, it’s not hers. And everyone’s fussing round Gina as she prepares for the imminent birth of her baby.

Agatha Christie’s Poirot, ITV1, 9pm ~ Cat Among the Pigeons: Belgian super-sleuth Hercule must investigate tonight when a schoolgirl becomes involved in a mystery. A collection of priceless jewels that once belonged to a Prince are hidden among her belongings, but why are they there? The Prince’s niece attends the same school as the girl so Poirot must find out where they both fit into the puzzle, but with these girls, nothing’s quite as it seems. Good old escapist melodrama starring David Suchet.

The Notebook, Channel 4, 9pm ~ If you fancy a good cry, this film’s for you. Here’s the blurb about it…

‘An elderly man reads a love story to a woman in a nursing home, from an old and faded notebook bulging with romantic scribblings about a passionate young couple whose fledgling affair is ripped asunder almost before it’s begun.’
Starring Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, Gena Rowlands and James Garner Directed by: Nick Cassavetes

There’s not a lot new about the premise but if you like a good old fashioned tearjerker, get your tissues at the ready.

Banged Up Abroad, Fiver, 9pm ~ If you’re not into soppy films, then this programme is about as far removed from that as you can get. Tonight’s show tells the story of Scott White who funded his extravagant lifestyle in Kuwait during the late 80’s using his father’s money. He illegally – and very stupidly – brewed his own alcohol and bought hashish. He was ultimately arrested for drug dealing and sentenced to five years in prison, however, he was able to escape during the chaos caused when Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait two years into White’s sentence.

Family Guy, BBC3, 10pm ~ If you’ve never watched this before and have kind of an odd sense of humour, then this show is well worth a look. It’s an animation that probably had its roots in shows like the Simpsons but this one is most definitely not family viewing. The show is about Peter Griffin; an overweight, dumb and lazy American dad to downtrodden Meg, intellectual baby Stewie – who has an aristocratic English accent – and stupid teenager Chris. His long suffering wife Lois and talking dog Brian are central characters too.

Tonight, when Chris discovers he’ll be ‘hazed’ as part of a high school ritual, he runs away to South America and dad Peter goes after him. It’s jam packed with hilarious sketches, sarcastic one-liners and is one of my favourite shows!

A Girl’s Guide to 21st Century Sex, Fiver, 10pm ~ Dr Catherine Hood presents this show which is a no-holds-barred, and often gross, look at the world of contemporary sex. Personally, I don’t see how it’s changed so much we need a guide for the new millennium but what do I know… I’m married.

Tonight, Dr Hood introduces state-of-the-art technology that’s used to film what happens inside the human body during sex – so that’ll be one of the couple looking at her watch and yawning and the other half falling asleep in record time – and delves into the secrets of the female orgasm. Well for me, showing me either a brand new credit card or a family size tirimasu is pretty much the key to it; either’s just as good, but anyway, Catherine also talks about how to have better sex if you’re overweight and discusses gay sex and gonhorrea, though not necessarily in the same sentence.

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, BBC1, 10.20pm ~ To round off your Sunday night, this film is probably a good choice because it will either bore you to sleep or give you some nice scenery to daydream about when you’re in work next week

Based on the book by Louis de Bernières, the film is a love story as well as a tale of heroism and tragedy set on an occupied Greek island during the Second World War.

Italian forces have invaded Kefalonia, where a newly arrived soldier falls in love with a local girl. It’s very Romeo and Juliet and the locals disapprove but added to that is the fact that her boyfriend – who is a resistance fighter – isn’t very pleased either.

Stars Nicolas Cage and Penélope Cruz whose annoying accent precludes me from watching it. I even have to turn that hair care ad off when she’s on.

So that’s it for today! Another weekend over and back to the grind tomorrow but at least it’s been nice weather for once. Have a good night and we’ll see you same time, same place tomorrow.